Things that are no longer possible now that I am a mom

  1. Speaking to anyone on the phone. It is not possible to hear a word or follow the conversation with your 3 year old asking who is on the phone, whether you’re talking to him and what you said while your 1 year old repeats ‘hello’ and ‘mummum’.
  2. Going to the toilet alone. Even if you close the door, the 3 year old will open it so both he and the 1 year old can join you, maybe even perform a song or dance. 
  3. Sleeping with all the lights in the house off. 
  4. Maintaining nicely painted nails. Not only is it impossible to find the time to have them painted but then to keep them nice while digging holes, collecting sticks and tidying toys is impossible. 
  5. Vacationing at cool places. I now live vicariously through people by stalking them on Facebook. 
  6. Knowing where the TV remote is. Last week it was in the laundry in a cardboard box ready for recycling. 
  7. Holding a conversation with another adult during daylight hours that isn’t peppered with ‘no, don’t do that’, ‘I’m here’, ‘where are you’, ‘what are you doing’. 
  8. Leaving the house in less than 40 minutes. Even after the 40 minutes of prep we still have to go around the block because we’ve left something behind. 
  9. Weekends away… If it takes 40 minutes and two trips back to the house just to go grocery shopping it takes weeks of planning to go away, a car full of bags and a whole lot of patience to get everyone somewhere that isn’t the lounge. 
  10. Brushing my hair, teeth, showering and wearing ironed clothes all in the same day. 
  11. Keeping my iPhone in tact and not sticky. This week alone it’s had formula dotted on it like art and biscuit smeared on the screen courtesy of my littlest. I must accept this as Siri is her best friend and she does need to talk to her at least every hour or the friendship may sour. I totally get it! 
  12. Going to bed at a reasonable hour. Let’s be honest you can only really do anything with a modicum of functionality  when they’re sleeping. 
  13. Leaving a glass or pen on a coffee table without chaos ensuing. 
  14. Wearing high heels. It’s gone. The ability has left me. I feel lost, like a Jimmy Choo in a world of Haviannas. 
  15. Enjoy a conversation with my husband that doesn’t revolve around the children. 
  16. Doing anything on a computer – computers are absolutely fascinating to children – all those buttons, a screen and lights – it’s like a tv play Centre. 

On the plus side there are now a whole host of things I can do with one hand or an elbow courtesy of the carrying-children-on-your-hip’ experience I have now acquired. But that’s a whole ‘nother post for another day 😅

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